A head-hunter friend of ours, who teaches big companies that when they’re recruiting people they should hire those who best fit their culture, who embody the ideals of the organization.
She coaches them on how to employ people who are prepared to work together with others to achieve a common objective. They might not have the same personality type, not even the same views, but they are able to band with others and work together.
Look at potential partners in this way:
– do they have similar ideals to you;
– do they think of others and work together with them?
– do they take control and direct or do everything on their own?
Ask them what their views are on love, on true love, and how they’ve gone about finding it?
Do they have the same ideals and approach as you?
Love is not as scarce a commodity as it has often been made out to be. There’s plenty of love energy to go around. We all want it. We all have it to give.
So turn the traditional approach to finding love around and start by looking ‘top’ down. It’s the person inside, their soul, that you’re trying to determine how they might connect with yours. True love is where you connect with another on all levels – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually (in terms of energy rather than religion).
Download the free book now – it’s just a click away – no registration required.
Posts Tagged with online dating
Get technical
Let’s get technical for a moment. What type of partner do you really want, what attributes attract you? Do you have a list of what you’re seeking? Does it include the practical as well as passionate aspects of love?
Most people’s lists contain physical attributes they desire, such as physical looks, in a potential partner.
That’s fine, if all you want is a physical relationship! Read that again!
Does your list include any mental attributes; such as wanting a companion who can converse and is caring, warm, loving?
Does it include any spiritual ones? If not, why not?
A better approach is to turn this around and list what you have to offer a potential partner.
What do you think is your best physical attribute? What’s your best emotional attribute, your best mental and spiritual features? Would a potential partner be able to easily recognise these? Why not? What would a potential partner love most about you right now? Is this what you want to be loved for? Do you want someone with similar attributes? What do you have to give them right now?
Do you have love to give?
Or are you giving love to get love?
If so, stop! You can’t force love energy to flow towards you.
If you ‘need’ love, it’s not a love that’s expanding, flowing or balanced – it’s not true love.
Rather, you’re trying to fill a gap in the energy within you or balance your own energy. Once you realise that, you can fill that gap and move on.
Need help – just down load the free e-book and learn lots more practical tips on how!
Are you hurting?
A major reason for the pain, the ups and downs, is often related to why you want love and how you go about finding it.
The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus suggested that pain is at one end of a scale with pleasure at the other – and that most of us swing between the two. Most people seek pleasure, seek love, to cover pain. (Researchers at the University of Michigan found some emotional pain is conveyed along the same nerve pathways as physical pain and is one reason why the pain of heartbreak seems as real as an actual injury.)
However, this traps us in romantic love as we ‘need’ it to hide and balance our hurt.
The ancient philosopher was almost right: love is indeed a matter of balance, in particular balancing your energy.
Swings in your emotions (energy in motion) are showing you that your energy is trying to balance but is having trouble.
When you are in pain it’s generally a sign that you need to get your energy flowing, expanding and balancing.
A major cause of problems and pain is that your view of the world doesn’t match reality; that what you’re experiencing doesn’t match what you believe, feel or think. For example, if someone says they love you but their actions suggest otherwise this will create chaos in your thoughts (brain waves or EEGs) and emotions (heart waves or ECGs) and pain can result as you try to reconcile the difference.
Another cause of emotional pain is uncertainty and fear. It’s easy to get caught in this pattern of reliance on another to make you feel better. But this is a short-term solution.
Another cause of pain is perceptions and responses to what has happened in the past. Be careful that when you enter a new relationship that you don’t bring ‘baggage’, or energy patterns, from previous ones. Even though you might think you’ve left it behind you may have not.
Is an emotion trying to tell you something right now?
This blog is telling you to find more in the book – download it free now – www.findtruelovebook.com
(Some people ask why give away all these tips free? Simple – don’t make the same mistakes we did, learn from ours – we did. And doesn’t the world need a little more love right now!)
The ancient philosopher was almost right: love is indeed a matter of balance, in particular balancing your energy.
Swings in your emotions (energy in motion) are showing you that your energy is trying to balance but is having trouble.
When you are in pain it’s generally a sign that you need to get your energy flowing, expanding and balancing.
A major cause of problems and pain is that your view of the world doesn’t match reality; that what you’re experiencing doesn’t match what you believe, feel or think. For example, if someone says they love you but their actions suggest otherwise this will create chaos in your thoughts (brain waves or EEGs) and emotions (heart waves or ECGs) and pain can result as you try to reconcile the difference.
Another cause of emotional pain is uncertainty and fear. It’s easy to get caught in this pattern of reliance on another to make you feel better. But this is a short-term solution.
Another cause of pain is perceptions and responses to what has happened in the past. Be careful that when you enter a new relationship that you don’t bring ‘baggage’, or energy patterns, from previous ones. Even though you might think you’ve left it behind you may have not.
Is an emotion trying to tell you something right now?
This blog is telling you to find more in the book – download it free now – www.findtruelovebook.com
(Some people ask why give away all these tips free? Simple – don’t make the same mistakes we did, learn from ours – we did. And doesn’t the world need a little more love right now!)
LOVE & CHANGE
Everything, including love, changes throughout your life.
You’ll progress through different stages and as you do your relationships and love will change too.
There are at least four phases you might progress through. These include:
• Student phase – during which you learn about yourself and the world, where your energy expands from physical to mental
• Family and social phase – where you comprehend meaning from what you’ve learnt, where your energy expands and connects
• Contribution phase – where you apply the information you’ve learnt, where you give energy
• An integration phase – where you integrate yourself, and your energy, with the world around you.
These phases involve a transition from a focus on the physical, to the emotional then to the mind, spirit and finally to love.
These changes can take time or be quite quick. For instance, there may come a time in your life that you will go through what Wayne Dyer calls a “shift”, where you move from a focus on physical and social aspects of life to something more spiritual and loving. This is sometimes called a mid-life crisis.
At this time priorities change. For some, this is a shift from focusing on the family, on trying to be good enough and fitting in to a greater focus on personal growth, improving self esteem, spirituality, happiness and forgiveness. For men, it’s a shift from focusing on creating wealth, adventure, achievement, pleasure and obtaining respect to focusing on spirituality, personal peace, family, finding purpose and emotional honesty with themself.
There are also phases of love that you may progress through. We’ve found there are five main phases:
• Attraction
• Romance
• Commitment
• Challenge
• Compassion – true love.
To find out more about these phases download your free copy while you can.
The science of finding true love
Finding the ‘right’ partner is key to the quality, and even length, of your life. This one decision can determine 90 percent of your happiness – or misery. So it’s important to get it right.
So how do you find the right partner, your soul mate?
Here’s what you’ve been missing, the key we discovered that can help you find your soul mate.
It’s that your soul is related to the way energy flows within you and therefore finding your soul mate is a matter of finding someone with whom your energy best connects!
A soul mate adds to and amplifies your energy – and your energy theirs.
Unfortunately, you cannot easily ‘see’ how your energy could connect when assessing potential partners. It will vary from person to person and only you can sense and determine this.
As soon as you look beyond the physical you will see, be attracted to and meet, a lot more people who could be a good match for you.
There are many people who could be a great energy fit for you.
There are almost 7 billion people on the planet, which means that there are hundreds if not thousands of people with whom your energy could connect well.
This means you are not looking for “the one”, not looking for a needle in a haystack. There are likely to be several potential partners that you can relate with and grow love with!
This also means that you don’t have to compete for the same person as your friends.
To find someone with whom you can experience true love requires real contact and connection. Unfortunately, many of us are more comfortable writing short texts or emails to one another, rather than having a real conversation or contact with another person. But avoiding actual contact by hiding behind a computer isn’t the answer.
You need to get out and meet real people to see with whom your energy meshes best.
Download the free book to find out more….
Love and pain
One of the best ways to address pain is to determine how your energy is flowing. You can determine this by considering your emotions and what they’re try to tell you.
Emotions are energy in motion (e-motion) and compel you to take action to try to make your energy flow better. They are electromagnetic ‘tags’ that you add to your perceptions, thoughts and memories.
Is an emotion trying to tell you something right now? When you feel a strong emotion, stop and figure out what the increased energy flow (or blockage) is trying to inform you.
Ask yourself questions that will help identify emotions, such as why you were angry or fearful in the first place, why you were unable to be more ‘loving’. What stopped your energy flowing harmoniously? Was it something real or your perception?
Find a way to replace them with healthier emotions, with a better flow of energy (see more in the free book on how to do this – download it easily now).
The laws of science show that things balance-out over the long-term; so if you’ve had a hard time and felt down lately prepare for things to rebound and improve. If your past has been ‘bad’ your future can be good. (Though you might have to learn how to change what you’ve done previously so that things can change in the future.)
While it can be hard to leave behind baggage and heal the hurt we’ve each experienced and have inside, embrace what has been and how it has made you stronger. For example, if you are stuck in the past, stuck on a previous relationship, consider why. What did you get out of it that you don’t have now and need? Then consider what is required for you to ‘move on’.
Rather than be afraid and do nothing, do the opposite – do something. The wheel of life will continue to turn: it is up to you to move and grow with it – or struggle against it (using lots of energy to do so). So use times of change and endings to restart, to try again. There is a saying that “sometimes life gives you a shakeup to help you wake up”.
Finding true love starts with you
Instead of trying to find someone who will love you, start by making yourself more loving.
Stop worrying what everyone else thinks of you. What do you think of yourself?
Unless you can find warmth, happiness and love in your relationship with yourself you’ll struggle to find these in your relationships with others. If you can’t be nice to yourself, or nice to those around you, how are you going to be nice to someone whom you’re attracted and would like to be nice back to you?
You’re the only one who can control your love energy. Before you enter a relationship you should have your own energy flowing well and balanced.
Start by caring about yourself, or as some people say “love yourself first”.
Don’t be hard on yourself, be soft and gentle towards yourself.
Learn to accept yourself, your own short comings.
Learn how to forgive yourself, again and again and again.
Learn to give to yourself, to let things go, to let your energy flow.
Being single doesn’t mean you have to be lonely or without love. It’s simply not true that you cannot have love without a partner. You can have love even if you are on your own.
Fall in love with the life you have. Enjoy your own company. If you can you won’t feel so lonely.
Most people search for love outside themselves.
For example, some people believe they will be happier “if” they do this or will be perfect if they get that; “if” they become like everyone else (whom they assume are actually happy themselves). This is why some of us believe that getting married will make us happy.
If you are unhappy and single, you could well be unhappy and married!
Marriage is not a solution to personal, psychological or emotional problems. Rather, marriage exacerbates them.
If you are an unhappy single person, you will be an unhappy spouse.
If you are not happy with yourself and your life before marriage, work on making your single self happy first. Then any marriage will have a much better chance of success.
How much do you care?
There are several key needs we each require to be fulfilled in our life – and in relationships.
If your relationship doesn’t help you meet these it will more than likely run into trouble at some stage.
Accordingly, you need to determine if your partner will help you meet these needs. For example, we each obviously need basic physical things such as water, food, money and shelter for simple survival.
However, once you obtain these basic necessities together you’ll find that you need several other key needs, such as safety and security.
Many of us try to meet these needs by getting married, obtaining a good job to provide money for somewhere to live and a car and a house.
But that is not always enough: what you also need to consider is does your partner make you feel emotionally and mentally safe and secure? Ways to determine this are to consider:
• do you want the same things out of life?
• does your partner have similar attitudes, goals and growth plans? (Answer no if they like doing things completely different, or worse still, doing lots of things without you).
• do you respect and believe in each other?
• do you consistently develop win–win solutions to problems?
• does your partner make you feel emotionally and mentally safe and secure?
You want mostly ‘yes’ answers to these questions for any relationship, let alone marriage, to be successful.
Show how much you care. Share this with your friends, to help them find true love.
Better still, send them the free book – https://www.findtruelove.invanuatu.net/wp-content/uploads/sites/27/2011/08/How-to-Find-Your-True-Love.pdf
WHAT'S NEXT?
At some stage in your life you’ll reach a point where what’s most important to you is your own personal growth (not some possession, not work, not even children). Yes, that’s right, you’ll ultimately want validation that your life has been worthwhile and has meaning.
We have found this validation is the basic pivotal point – the crux – that determines whether a relationship will survive, die or flourish into true love.
This is what you are seeking to determine when you are dating and assessing potential partners or evaluating an existing relationship.
If you’re in a relationship and your partner lets you grow (even if they don’t actively encourage it ) you’ll most likely remain with them. However, if your partner doesn’t help you in your personal growth your relationship may run into trouble. If they blatantly hinder your growth you’ll most likely grow to resent them.
A problem is that many people often we seek others to help them grow. This is why working and having children are such a big part of life; they provide a form of validation, of worthiness, of meaning – and do so better than most other approaches. The only other thing that can validate you more is love – being loved for who you are!
If you have a partner who validates you, appreciates you and what you do, then you have an extraordinary love – a true love. This encouragement of you by your partner is the greatest difference between romantic love and true love. It’s where true love blossoms.
How true are you?
You can be the most wonderful and lovely person, true to yourself, but if you don’t help your partner meet their needs the relationship will struggle.
To make a relationship the best it can be, help your partner meet their needs – from providing safety and security through the different levels to helping them actualize and become who they truly are.
By helping each other be truly yourself you will grow true love!
Accordingly, don’t forget to speak up about your own needs, which ones are most important to you and how they can be fulfilled. Doing this is also a great way to increase that connection between you and your partner.
The truer you are to yourself, to your partner, the truer love can be.