What’s the optimum number of dates? Or when is the optimum time to settle down?
It’s not age, not even number of partners but rather the amount of knowledge you have about love that’s most important.
If you know and understand what love is, especially why you want love, then you can more quickly assess potential partners. You can more quickly determine – and decline – those whom won’t work out, allowing you more time to spend with those who might. This can also help you avoid staying in relationships that are not right for you.
Knowing about love provides a competitive advantage. You are less likely to choose the ‘wrong’ person and have to try again, or remarry, when you’re older. For example, if you choose someone early on without enough comparison you may one day meet someone who has those qualities that you dreamt of, and you’ll resent the partner you’re with. (There are, of course, examples that are the exception to this, such as successful arranged marriages and the like.)
You’d research, learn, inspect and do tests before you bought an expensive car or house – so why wouldn’t you do the same before choosing a life partner?
Learn more about love – here – these holidays.
One of the best ways to address pain is to determine how your energy is flowing. You can determine this by considering your emotions and what they’re try to tell you.
Emotions are energy in motion (e-motion) and compel you to take action to try to make your energy flow better. They are electromagnetic ‘tags’ that you add to your perceptions, thoughts and memories.
Is an emotion trying to tell you something right now? When you feel a strong emotion, stop and figure out what the increased energy flow (or blockage) is trying to inform you.
Ask yourself questions that will help identify emotions, such as why you were angry or fearful in the first place, why you were unable to be more ‘loving’. What stopped your energy flowing harmoniously? Was it something real or your perception?
Find a way to replace them with healthier emotions, with a better flow of energy (see more in the free book on how to do this – download it easily now).
The laws of science show that things balance-out over the long-term; so if you’ve had a hard time and felt down lately prepare for things to rebound and improve. If your past has been ‘bad’ your future can be good. (Though you might have to learn how to change what you’ve done previously so that things can change in the future.)
While it can be hard to leave behind baggage and heal the hurt we’ve each experienced and have inside, embrace what has been and how it has made you stronger. For example, if you are stuck in the past, stuck on a previous relationship, consider why. What did you get out of it that you don’t have now and need? Then consider what is required for you to ‘move on’.
Rather than be afraid and do nothing, do the opposite – do something. The wheel of life will continue to turn: it is up to you to move and grow with it – or struggle against it (using lots of energy to do so). So use times of change and endings to restart, to try again. There is a saying that “sometimes life gives you a shakeup to help you wake up”.
At some stage in your life you’ll reach a point where what’s most important to you is your own personal growth (not some possession, not work, not even children). Yes, that’s right, you’ll ultimately want validation that your life has been worthwhile and has meaning.
We have found this validation is the basic pivotal point – the crux – that determines whether a relationship will survive, die or flourish into true love.
This is what you are seeking to determine when you are dating and assessing potential partners or evaluating an existing relationship.
If you’re in a relationship and your partner lets you grow (even if they don’t actively encourage it ) you’ll most likely remain with them. However, if your partner doesn’t help you in your personal growth your relationship may run into trouble. If they blatantly hinder your growth you’ll most likely grow to resent them.
A problem is that many people often we seek others to help them grow. This is why working and having children are such a big part of life; they provide a form of validation, of worthiness, of meaning – and do so better than most other approaches. The only other thing that can validate you more is love – being loved for who you are!
If you have a partner who validates you, appreciates you and what you do, then you have an extraordinary love – a true love. This encouragement of you by your partner is the greatest difference between romantic love and true love. It’s where true love blossoms.
You can be the most wonderful and lovely person, true to yourself, but if you don’t help your partner meet their needs the relationship will struggle.
To make a relationship the best it can be, help your partner meet their needs – from providing safety and security through the different levels to helping them actualize and become who they truly are.
By helping each other be truly yourself you will grow true love!
Accordingly, don’t forget to speak up about your own needs, which ones are most important to you and how they can be fulfilled. Doing this is also a great way to increase that connection between you and your partner.
The truer you are to yourself, to your partner, the truer love can be.