At some stage in your life you’ll reach a point where what’s most important to you is your own personal growth (not some possession, not work, not even children). Yes, that’s right, you’ll ultimately want validation that your life has been worthwhile and has meaning.
We have found this validation is the basic pivotal point – the crux – that determines whether a relationship will survive, die or flourish into true love.
This is what you are seeking to determine when you are dating and assessing potential partners or evaluating an existing relationship.
If you’re in a relationship and your partner lets you grow (even if they don’t actively encourage it ) you’ll most likely remain with them. However, if your partner doesn’t help you in your personal growth your relationship may run into trouble. If they blatantly hinder your growth you’ll most likely grow to resent them.
A problem is that many people often we seek others to help them grow. This is why working and having children are such a big part of life; they provide a form of validation, of worthiness, of meaning – and do so better than most other approaches. The only other thing that can validate you more is love – being loved for who you are!
If you have a partner who validates you, appreciates you and what you do, then you have an extraordinary love – a true love. This encouragement of you by your partner is the greatest difference between romantic love and true love. It’s where true love blossoms.
How do you know when you find true love?
Once you’ve found someone how do you really know you’ve found the ‘right’ person?
We’ve found signs include:
• Wanting to give love unconditionally to your partner
• Providing a safe and secure environment and supporting them through good and bad times
• Being able to talk, and listen, together for hours
• Sharing your inner most self, your hearts
• Having similar attitudes and aims
• Encouraging your partner to be themselves and being able to accept who they are
• Realizing that every aspect of you meshes or ‘clicks; with and adds to that of your partner
• Together you explore, discover, learn, experience and achieve much more than you could on your own
• You are separate, but integrated, adding to each other’s energy, life and love; and
• Your love is better than the songs and movies you used to associate with love.
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Much has been said of love: it is the subject of songs, poems, books, movies and more. Here are some comments from other people that we have found helpful:
• “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams,” Dr. Seuss
• “The power of life is love,” Leo Tolstoy
• “A baby is born with a need to be loved—and never outgrows it,” Frank Clark
• “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread,” Mother Teresa
• “Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that,” Michael Leunig
• “To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven,” Karen Sunde
• “We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love,” Tom Robbins
• “God does not command that we do great things, only little things with great love,” Mother Teresa
• “We are entitled to receive only what we are prepared to give,” Gordon Livingstone
• “It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving,” Mother Teresa
• “Nothing in life is as complex or rewarding as our intimate relationships. We have all been through some of the deepest pains and greatest joys while connecting closely to another human being. Real love is the highest form of giving. And it is also where we achieve the most inner personal growth. Thus, to fully love another person is perhaps one of the most divine experiences on earth.” Sage & Anthony Robbins.
Love is not as scarce a commodity as it is often been made out to be. There’s plenty of love energy to go around. We all want it.
We all have it to give.
Turn the traditional approach to finding love around and start by looking ‘top’ down.
Remember, it’s the person inside, their soul, that you’re trying to determine how they might connect with yours. True love is where you connect with another on all levels – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually (in terms of energy rather than religion).
How do you do this?
Take the approach of a head-hunter friend of ours, who teaches big companies that when they’re recruiting people they should hire those who best fit their culture, who embody the ideals of the organization. She coaches them on how to employ people who are prepared to work together with others to achieve a common objective. They might not have the same personality type, not even the same views, but they are able to band with others and work together.
Look at potential partners in this way: do they have similar ideals to you; do they think of others and work together with them? Or do they take control and direct or do everything on their own?
Ask them what their views are on love, on true love, and how they’ve gone about finding it? Do they have the same ideals and approach as you?
Tip – Some of the best advice we’ve heard about how to find a potential partner is to seek someone who is similar to you.
What do you do when love becomes challenging?
Do you direct your energy to frustration and anger? Or are you strong and continue to let love flow positively?
The solution is to add more energy and to let it flow and expand. This can be as simple as your being there, in particular being there emotionally and emotionally open – rather than closing up.
This could start with saying that you’ll always be there, not withdraw.
The secret to meeting challenges with and in love is consistent flow of love energy and expansion to ultimately balance the issue.
As such, it’s a matter of being and doing the opposite to what you usually do! Put aside your own needs.
And remember, true intimacy is not physical; it’s a merging of hearts, minds and souls – of your energies.
The easiest way to share intimacy is not only physically, it’s through more intangible ways such as listening, communicating, contributing and showing. .
We humans can communicate more than any other animal on the planet. So why don’t you? Communicate with yourself, with prospective partners or with an existing partner.
Download the free e-book now for more useful tips. It’s easy.