What a challenging year it has been.
Hope it has been okay for you. What have you learnt?
Surely 2023 will be much better. We hope it will for you!
Remember, you are not alone – there are people out there, people whom will be interested in you – if you make yourself interesting.
Recall how we experienced, researched and wrote our book to help others, to help you. That is why we are giving it away free – so others don’t make the mistakes we did.
A key of what we found is that people want to be with other people who make them feel better about themselves.
Do you do that to others, to your dates, to your partner?
Or is it all about you; do you only focus on you, your needs, talk about yourself?
If so, you need to do some work on yourself, your insecurities.
Learn to find out more about whom you are with, whom you meet. What motivates them, then help them achieve their dreams.
After all, love is a partnership.
Wishing you much love for the new year.
K & G
Posts Tagged with dating
How can you tell?
Ask yourself simple questions to determine how you feel – what your emotions, your energy in motion, are trying to tell you?
They can provide the answer for you.
When faced with a matter of love ask:
- What does this person do to my energy – do they add to or detract from it?
- Will it add to the energy of a partner? Will it make them feel better about themself, will it help them meet their human needs?
- What would love do – without expectation of anything in return?
Does a person and what they say and do contribute to your energy? Or do they ‘take’ it?
Does your partner add or detract to yours?
In short, do they add value to your life – and do you add value to theirs?
If you do then you have a good love equation, a growing love.
It’s that simple.
How someone else’s energy adds to, or subtracts, from yours makes a big difference to you, to your life, to your love.
You are seeking a relationship where your energy and that of your partner join together to create something better than if you were on your own.
If you’re in relationship and continuously feel worse off than you think you’d be if you were on your own then you have to question whether you should be in the relationship. When the negatives outnumber the positives maybe the love equation is showing you it’s not the right relationship for you.
True love is when you feel, and are, better with your partner than on your own.
Got a love problem?
When faced with a matter of love ask:
- What will this do to my energy – will it add to or detract from it?
- Will this choice let my energy flow and balance – or stop it?
- Is what I am thinking, choosing and doing really about my true self – or more about my social conditioning and self-programming?
- Am I seeking or doing something just to fill a gap in me, in my energy – or will it bring my energy together to flow and balance better?
- Will it add to my partner? Will it make them feel better about themself, will it help them meet their needs?
Does a person and what they say and do contribute to your energy? Or do they ‘take’ it?
Does your partner add or detract to yours?
In short, do they add value to your life – and do you add value to theirs?
If you do then you have a good love equation, a growing love.
It’s that simple.
How to keep up with change
There is so much change in the world today – wrought by the COVID pandemic, tightening supply chains, work pressures, war and more – impacting us and our loves.
How can you better cope with all these changes?
Change occurs all through life, yet we often expect we or our partner won’t.
Then when things get tough, ironically, we want them to change.
When it comes to the latter, why do you or your partner want change? Why are you seeking something else? What are you really seeking?
Is it because you feel the relationship is stale, that it’s not going anywhere, you think you know all there is to know about your partner, or you want more excitement, or you’re not getting what you need?
If it’s any of these, then there’s a good chance you could grow your relationship more – a lot more. You already have a partner with whom you’ve had much in common and it might just be possible to improve what you already have.
Couples often take each other for granted and that can destroy love.
A woman thinks she knows her man, the man thinks he knows his woman; while in reality nobody knows either. The woman the man knew when they first started going out is not there now, so much has happened and changed.
Managing change is key to any relationship that comes under new demands and pressure: you have to figure out how to give love to your partner. You need to talk, listen and explore these changes to continue to love through challenging times.
Don’t think that pushing or pressuring your partner will change them. It generally makes them become more entrenched, less open, less safe and less secure, less giving; especially less giving of love.
Pushing someone for their love is similar to trying to take it, to trying to take their energy. If you ‘need’ love, then remember how you’re seeking ‘romantic’ love and that there’s likely a gap within you and your energy flow that only you can fill or move on from.
A better approach is to give love despite what they are or do. (This is what many scriptures suggest.)
How to keep up with change
As life changes you need to find ways to not necessarily change, but rather expand and grow love. We often say to each other not to think of it as a need to change, but rather expand.
The only way you can do that is by connecting, continually connecting, deeper and deeper. You can only take your existing love towards true love by sharing your true self with your partner.
To do this, you need to feel and know who you are, know that you’re safe and secure with your partner, to be able to share yourself with them without fearing that they’ll use what you share against you, won’t hurt you.
Only then can you both share your greatest fears, your greatest desires – your selves.
How well do you know your partner?
Do you know and understand their fears, what they seek from life – as life changes?
Often we don’t really know how our partner really feels. You assume you know, which is a big mistake.
Ask them how they feel, truly feel.
As such, you shouldn’t just want to know your partner’s favourite colour, number or song; you should seek to know their greatest fears. Then help them overcome their fears and realise their dreams.
Explore, experience and relate again; start again. Try to connect more.
To do so you will require improving safety and security, improving trust.
One way to do this is for you to start to share your inner-most essence; show how you are. What motivates, as well as concerns, you.
Sharing secrets is considered one way to create intimacy and connections. One study found that when strangers were asked to reveal intimate details about their lives to one another and then made to stare into each other’s eyes that many of them reported feelings of strong attraction to each other.
There are a range of other techniques you can use, such as dinners, date nights, gifts, anything that enables the two of you to spend quality time together where you can communicate.
If you have trouble talking, expressing, research more on ways how to improve this. The internet is a great way to find lots of useful information on this and other ways to connect. (Don’t forget to tell your partner that this is what you’re doing, in case they wonder why you have changed, as this change could make them anxious.)
An exercise to help you work on this is to take three days where the two of you share ways to improve the safety and security of each other in the relationship. In the morning of each day, consider what you can do to help your partner feel more secure about themself and what they say. Then in the afternoon, share a secret which your partner did not previously know about you. Discuss, talk, and communicate about where you have been, where you want to go and how to get there. Having an aim, something to work towards, helps start connections.
Do you know how your partner best likes to receive love?
Do they prefer to be told, to be shown through touch or through physical things, through some other way or a combination of ways? Ask.
Then simply give love.
What’s a man to do?
You’ve probably realised that women tend to be different to men when it comes to love (besides from the obvious anatomy) and that most men are not good at understanding women, let alone love.
A good friend who was dating told us he was just going to be himself and if a woman liked him that was “great” and if not “it wasn’t meant to be”. The problem was that it took us years to get to know him, who he really was and how loving and caring a person he is. So how could he expect a potential partner to realize that in a date or two? How could he show that he was strong, yet sensitive – and more?
Here are 10 tips that helped him and can help MEN FIND LOVE.
To change you need to realise that you might have to change a few things; or more accurately expand your way of thinking and what you do.
Author and pick-up guru Neil Strauss proffers to men that they should learn to become, and demonstrate, that they are the most interesting person in a room in order to interest potential partners. A big part of this is showing that they understand intangible things, such as love.
Tip 1 We’re all attracted to and want to be with people who make us feel good. That’s why you like being with your mates, they make you feel good. When it comes to your partner, do you currently make her feel good about herself? Answer truthfully. If not, can you? Of course you can! You’re a big strong man and can do anything.
Your partner most likely wants to feel that she’s the most important person, not just woman, in your life. This means that she would most likely appreciate being told that you care for her, that you love her, that you’re there for her – always. Speak up and say something nice. Don’t think it’s a matter of not saying anything.
Some men have learnt that they can’t seem to say the right words to the women in their life. So they end up saying very little, if anything at all – especially nothing complimentary or deep and never how they feel. Well, this might be the biggest mistake you’re currently making.
It’s an easy one to fix. What you actually need to do is to say lots! Giving loving words, appreciation, is important. It’s how you give energy. You need to tell your partner that you love her, what you love most about her – there has to be something about her that you still like, even if it’s you just saying what you like the most about her physical appearance. Tell her what you find sexy about her. Then move onto those aspects of her personality that you appreciate. What attracted you to her in the first place? It’s probably still there. These words need to be heartfelt. Words without feeling won’t do it.
You can also show appreciation by giving in other ways, such as giving chocolates, flowers or jewellery.
But remember, these are physical things and while they might help a little it’s the intangible things that work best. (Recall how energy doesn’t flow in physical things, it’s stored.
For the other nine tips see the free e-book here
Keys to a love-filled life
Many secrets and keys to love have been revealed in our book (free online or purchase a hard copy, just google).
They are summarised here:
- Love is energy
- There are different types of love
- We each have unique energy patterns, as individual as fingerprints, that can do unique things
- Your soul is related to the energy patterns within you
- You are the one who controls your energy
- You cannot always control what happens, but you can control how you respond to it
- Emotions are energy in motion
- Letting go equates to letting energy flow
- Energy flows where attention goes
- To change your circumstances change your energy flow
- Doing things in a ‘loving’ manner is energetically easier than doing them any other way
- Happiness and love are the rewards for getting your energies flowing together harmoniously
- True love starts from within, with your energy
- Only by letting love energy flow can you find with whom it best meshes
- To find your soul mate you need to find whom your energy meshes with best
- Love with your soul not just your body
- You are drawn to people who make you feel good
- If you can’t share the innermost essence of you with yourself, how are you ever going to share it with another?
- One of the biggest secrets of true love is not to wait for love, not to ask for it and not to need it, but rather to simply give it
- A great lover is always ready to give love and is not bothered whether it is returned or not
- Love brings out what is hidden within you: if there is nothing loving, then your love will be nothing
- True love has no conditions, no opposites.
- You can’t bargain for true love
- Your relationship to love is often a reflection of your relationship to yourself
- Strong relationships depend on strong awareness of your self and of others
- Don’t settle for average. True love is not average: it is extraordinary!
- Make love with your whole being, your body, your head, your heart – your soul
- True love is not static: it flows, expands, balances – grows. This means you have to too!
How do you know?
Once you’ve found someone how do you really know you’ve found the ‘right’ person?
We’ve found signs include:
- Wanting to give love unconditionally to your partner
- Providing a safe and secure environment and supporting them through good and bad times
- Being able to talk, and listen, together for hours
- Sharing your inner most self, your hearts
- Having similar attitudes and aims
- Encouraging your partner to be themselves and being able to accept who they are
- Realizing that every aspect of you meshes or ‘clicks; with and adds to that of your partner
- Together you explore, discover, learn, experience and achieve much more than you could on your own
- You are separate, but integrated, adding to each other’s energy, life and love; and
- Your love is better than the songs and movies you used to associate with love.
Learn more, much more about finding your true love in the free ebook – right here!
SPECIAL BONUS – the meaning of life
To help us get all through COVID, we’re offering a special bonus – giving away our book THE ULTIMATE MEANING OF LIFE.
Even with access to more information than ever before, we still have few answers to life’s big questions. We can find all sorts of information on the Internet, but still can’t find practical answers to life’s big questions of:
- Who am I?
- Why was I born?
- What should I be doing in life?
- What’s the meaning of my life?
- Is there life after death?
Despite our differences, these are questions we all ask and have been asking them for thousands of years. Yet there have been few objective answers to these big questions—until now.
Read more here – free for a limited time.
Finding love during COVID..start here
One moment you’re so in love; then something happens and you’re not; you’re in pain. Why doesn’t love always remain constant? Do relationships have to be up and down? They don’t!
A major reason for the pain, the ups and downs, is often related to why you want love and how you go about finding it. The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus suggested that pain is at one end of a scale with pleasure at the other – and that most of us swing between the two.
Most people seek pleasure, seek love, to cover pain. We ‘need’ it to hide and balance our hurt – our own short-comings.
The ancient philosopher was almost right: love is indeed a matter of balance, in particular balancing your energy. Swings in your emotions are showing you that your energy is trying to balance but is having trouble.
When you have problems and pain it’s generally a sign that you need to get your energy flowing, expanding and balancing.
A major cause of problems and pain is that your view of the world doesn’t match reality; that what you’re experiencing doesn’t match what you believe, feel or think. For example, if someone says they love you but their actions suggest otherwise this will create chaos in your thoughts (brain waves or EEGs) and emotions (heart waves or ECGs) and pain can result as you try to reconcile the difference. Another cause of emotional pain is uncertainty and fear. It’s easy to get caught in this pattern of reliance on another to make you feel better. But this is a short-term solution.
You cannot continually rely on someone else to provide love, to make you happy. Learn to love who you are. And if you don’t, transform whom you are to someone you can be proud of. And remember, arrogance is not self-love. After-all, we all want to be with people who make us feel better. Find out more with the free book and loads of tips here…
Turning it all around..
Knowing about love provides a competitive advantage. You are less likely to choose the ‘wrong’ person and have to try again, or remarry, when you’re older. For example, if you choose someone early on without enough comparison you may one day meet someone who has those qualities that you dreamt of, and you’ll resent the partner you’re with.
You’d research, learn, inspect and do tests before you bought an expensive car or house – so why wouldn’t you do the same before choosing a life partner? Learn more about love.
As such, do you know what makes you happy (besides physical things)? Figure that out before using other people to determine it for you.
Tip What type of partner do you really want, what attributes attract you? Do you have a list of what you’re seeking? Does it include the practical as well as passionate aspects of love?
Most people’s lists contain physical attributes they desire, such as physical looks, in a potential partner. That’s fine, if all you want is a physical relationship. Does your list include any mental attributes; such as wanting a companion who can converse and is caring, warm, loving?
Does it include any spiritual ones? If not, why not?
A better approach is to turn this around and list what you have to offer a potential partner.
What do you think is your best physical attribute? What’s your best emotional attribute, your best mental and spiritual features?
Would a potential partner be able to easily recognise these? Why not?
What would a potential partner love most about you right now? Is this what you want to be loved for? Do you want someone with similar attributes? What do you have to give them right now?
Do you have love to give?
Learn how – download the free e-book here. ENJOY!
