Why doesn’t love always remain constant? Do relationships have to be up and down?
A major reason for the pain, the ups and downs, is often related to why you want love and how you go about finding it.
The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus suggested that pain is at one end of a scale with pleasure at the other – and that most of us swing between the two. Most people seek pleasure, seek love, to cover pain. However, this traps us in romantic love as we ‘need’ it to hide and balance our hurt.
The ancient philosopher was almost right: love is indeed a matter of balance, in particular balancing your energy. Swings in your emotions are showing you that your energy is trying to balance but is having trouble.
When you have problems and pain it’s generally a sign that you need to get your energy flowing, expanding and balancing.
A major cause of problems and pain is that your view of the world doesn’t match reality; that what you’re experiencing doesn’t match what you believe, feel or think. For example, if someone says they love you but their actions suggest otherwise this will create chaos in your thoughts (brain waves or EEGs) and emotions (heart waves or ECGs) and pain can result as you try to reconcile the difference.
Another cause of emotional pain is uncertainty and fear. Guy recalls when he was dating one partner how everything was quite uncertain and that he was afraid he would lose her. This was so out of character for him, as he has faced death several times and is rarely afraid. Yet, he was terrified. Why? He soon realised that he had attached his love, his feeling good, to her and was reliant on her to feel good.
This is something many people do. It’s easy to get caught in this pattern of reliance on another to make you feel better. But this is a short-term solution.
Accordingly, you cannot continually rely on someone else to make you happy.
Download the free e-book now to learn more secrets and tips!
Did you fall in love because your partner is your ‘other’ half or because they complete you?
These ‘halves’ are often attributes you’ve not developed in your self.
So ask yourself:
• are you loved for who you are?
• does your partner encourage your personal growth?
The latter is the single main element we have found that breaks or makes relationships; that can alter the balance from staying in one to wanting to run away.
At some stage in your life you’ll reach a point where what’s most important to you is your own personal growth (not some possession, not work, not even children). Yes, that’s right, you’ll ultimately want validation that your life has been worthwhile and has meaning.
We have found this validation is the basic pivotal point – the crux – that determines whether a relationship will survive, die or flourish into true love.
This is what you are seeking to determine when you are dating and assessing potential partners or evaluating an existing relationship.
If you’re in a relationship and your partner lets you grow (even if they don’t actively encourage it ) you’ll most likely remain with them. However, if your partner doesn’t help you in your personal growth your relationship may run into trouble. If they blatantly hinder your growth you’ll most likely grow to resent them.
A problem is that many people often seek others to help them grow. This is why working and having children are such a big part of life; they provide a form of validation, of worthiness, of meaning – and do so better than most other approaches. The only other thing that can validate you more is love – being loved for who you are!
If you have a partner who validates you, appreciates you and what you do, then you have an extraordinary love – a true love. This encouragement of you by your partner is the greatest difference between romantic love and true love. This is where true love blossoms.
10 THINGS YOU PROBAB LY DON’T KNOW ABOUT LOVE – BUT SHOULD
1 – There are several types of love – physical, mental, spiritual and true love.
2 – Love is not chemistry. It’s energy – in particular, a flow of energy – thus the saying ‘the power of love’.
3 – This means you’re not at the mercy of mechanical chemicals and not able to do anything. Rather, by better understanding energy you can understand how to find love.
4 – Determine why you want love? Do you want it to feel better, to be like your friends or because you want the noblest thing in life? Your relationship to love, how you think about it, is often a reflection of your relationship to yourself.
5 – Strong, true, relationships depend on strong self-awareness. If you don’t ‘love’ yourself how can you expect someone else to love you for who you are?!
6 – Find someone who’s energy adds to yours. Finding a partner whose ‘love energy’ adds to yours is like someone pushing you on a swing, it will go higher and higher.
7 – Don’t just focus on physical attraction and love. Ensure you add emotional, mental and spiritual love to your relationship and love making to create something even stronger.
8 – We each have five needs that have to be met for us to have a happy and successful life. Love and connection is just one of those needs. (Get the book to find out what these needs are).
9 – Find a partner who’ll help you fulfil those other needs and you’ll find true love – and the key to a successful relationship.
10 – You’ll know when you find true love, as it’s when your partner values you for who you are, encourages you to be ‘you’ and loves you for who you are (despite who you are)!
Get the free – yes free with no catches – ebook here – .https://www.findtruelove.invanuatu.net/wp-content/uploads/sites/27/2011/08/How-to-Find-Your-True-Love.pdf
Please share it with your friends. As the more love the world finds the better we will all be.
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You don’t have to register – just download it with the click of a button here – click the link top right on the home page.
Get the free – yes free with no catches – ebook here.
Please share it with your friends. As the more love the world finds the better we will all be.
Unfortunately, today’s modern lifestyle sees more of us connect less than ever before. Mobile phones and texts, the internet and emails, sees people communicate indirectly rather than in person.
But it’s through personal connection that you meet people and find out with whom you can connect best. A 2011 survey by Relationships Australia found the majority of people met their partners:
• through friends,
• at social occasions, or
• at work.
Only 4% met their partner online.
It also noted the main challenge to finding a partner is meeting enough new people.
As the adage suggests, it takes a lot of kissing frogs to find a prince. It can be challenging – even painful – meeting, dating and realising that someone is not quite the person you seek and then breaking up with them. Dealing with other people is the hardest thing you will ever do. The first person to climb Mt. Everest, Sir Edmund Hilary, said this was harder for him than climbing the world’s tallest mountain, he once told Guy. But you have to do it to meet people. It is that simple and that hard. Remember the anonymous quote that says “great love and great achievements involve great risk”.
How much of yourself are you prepared to risk? You need to be active, courageous and willing to talk to people. You need to be brave and risk rejection!
You need to get out there, meet and talk to people, connect with people.
When talking to someone ask them about themselves; people generally like to be asked and talk about themselves. Use this to your advantage by asking a question or two to get a conversation going. Then listen. Then try to sense if there is any connection; how does their energy flow and interact with yours?
We all know from first hand experience that love is powerful. Some people say it’s the greatest and most wonderful thing you can ever experience.
We all want it. Consider a survey that asked “would you marry somebody who had everything you looked for in a partner, but whom you were not in love with?” More than 90 percent of woman and 86 percent of men said “no”!
But just what is love?
There are as many different perceptions and definitions of love as there are people, as we each experience it differently. This is one reason why it’s so hard to find; we each have different expectations and experiences of what love actually is. You, and any potential partner, have to be able to bridge the gaps in expectations.
Even when you look at love objectively there are discrepancies. For example, some scientists say love doesn’t exist, while others say it’s all in your head. Up until recently, most scientists said love was about chemistry and the interaction of molecules and hormones within you. They believed that chemicals with big names such as noradrenalin, dopamine, phenyl ethylamine, oxytocin and others forced you to act in certain ways and created what you perceived as love.
Yet, when you see someone at a distance or talk to them on the phone those molecules don’t cross the intervening space and trigger a chemical reaction and the sensation of love. There’s something more powerful at work.
Science now shows that those chemicals are set in motion by electromagnetic signalling, or what you might simply think of as waves of energy – this literally “the power of love” as the song says.
As life changes, how do you keep changing and loving?
We often say to each other not to think of it as a need to change, but rather expand.
To do this, you need to feel and know who you are, know that you’re safe and secure with your partner, to be able to share yourself with them without fearing that they’ll use what you share against you, won’t hurt you.
Only then can you both share your greatest fears, your greatest desires – your selves.
How well do you know your partner? Do you know and understand their fears, what they seek from life?
Often we don’t really know how our partner really feels. You assume you know, which is a big mistake.
Ask them how they feel, truly feel.
As such, you shouldn’t just want to know your partner’s favourite colour, number or song; you should seek to know their greatest fears. Then help them overcome their fears and realise their dreams.
Explore, experience and relate again; start again.
You have to let love flow, expand and balance. From and to both of you.
One way to do this is for you to start to share your inner-most essence; show how you are. What motivates, as well as concerns, you.
Sharing secrets is considered one way to create intimacy and connections.
Much has been said of love: it is the subject of songs, poems, books, movies and more.
Here are some comments from other people that we have found helpful:
• “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams,” Dr. Seuss
• “The power of life is love,” Leo Tolstoy
• “A baby is born with a need to be loved—and never outgrows it,” Frank Clark
• “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread,” Mother Teresa
• “Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that,” Michael Leunig
• “To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven,” Karen Sunde
• “We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love,” Tom Robbins
• “God does not command that we do great things, only little things with great love,” Mother Teresa
• “We are entitled to receive only what we are prepared to give,” Gordon Livingstone
• “It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving,” Mother Teresa
Find more in the free e-book – download it here now!
Taking Care of Your Partner’s Needs
There are several key needs we each require to be fulfilled in our life – and in relationships.
If yours doesn’t help you meet these, it will more than likely run into trouble at some stage.
Accordingly, you need to determine if your partner will help you meet these needs. For example, we each obviously need basic physical things such as water, food, money and shelter for simple survival.
However, once you obtain these basic necessities together, you’ll find that you need several other key needs, such as safety and security.
Many of us try to meet these needs by getting married, obtaining a good job to provide money for somewhere to live and a car and a house. But that is not always enough: what you also need to consider is does your partner make you feel emotionally and mentally safe and secure? Ways to determine this are to consider:
• do you want the same things out of life?
• does your partner have similar attitudes, goals and growth plans? (Answer no if they like doing things completely different, or worse still, doing lots of things without you).
• do you respect and believe in each other?
• do you consistently develop win–win solutions to problems?
• does your partner make you feel emotionally and mentally safe and secure?
Again, you want mostly ‘yes’ answers to these questions for any relationship, let alone marriage, to be successful.