Some days it is hard (as life and baggage gets in the way).
Highly recommended and free to download for a limited time.
We try to also bring you interesting findings and research from others.
This study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology entitled “Men and Women are from Earth” rejects the categorical differences between the sexes, arguing that such differences are conditioned behaviour rather than inherent, hardwired attributes.
The research analysed 122 different characteristics in 13,301 individuals: empathy, fear of success, intimacy, relationship interdependence, sexual attitudes, interest in science, masculinity-femininity, mate preferences, etc. It found no consistent correlation between gender and these attributes.
“Sex is not nearly as confining a category as stereotypes and even some academic studies would have us believe,” the study concluded.
It also has some interesting advice on love and dating. See more here in this newspaper article.
Author and psychologist Gordon Livingstone suggests there are several virtues that we seek in our partners. They include:
Do you have them in you?
Do you see all of them in your partner?
The biological anthropologist Helen Fisher also suggests that understanding who you are is key to understanding to whom you’re attracted.
For more checklists, read the free-ebook on our site. ENJOY!
As life changes you need to find ways to not necessarily change, but rather expand and grow love. We often say to each other not to think of it as a need to change, but rather expand.
The only way you can do that is by connecting, continually connecting, deeper and deeper. You can only take your existing love towards true love by sharing your true self with your partner.
To do this, you need to feel and know who you are, know that you’re safe and secure with your partner, to be able to share yourself with them without fearing that they’ll use what you share against you, won’t hurt you.
Only then can you both share your greatest fears, your greatest desires – your selves.How well do you know your partner? Do you know and understand their fears, what they seek from life?
Often we don’t really know how our partner really feels. You assume you know, which is a big mistake. Ask them how they feel, truly feel.
As such, you shouldn’t just want to know your partner’s favourite colour, number or song; you should seek to know their greatest fears. Then help them overcome their fears and realise their dreams. Explore, experience and relate again; start again.
Try to connect more. To do so you will require improving safety and security, improving trust. One way to do this is for you to start to share your inner-most essence; show how you are. What motivates, as well as concerns, you.
Sharing secrets is considered one way to create intimacy and connections. One study found that when strangers were asked to reveal intimate details about their lives to one another and then made to stare into each other’s eyes that many of them reported feelings of strong attraction to each other.
There are a range of other techniques you can use – see more in the free e-book here.
If you’re in a relationship and your partner lets you grow – even if they don’t actively encourage it – you’ll most likely remain with them. You might do this even if they exert control over or abuse you.
Whereas if they blatantly hinder or stop your personal growth you’ll most likely seek to escape.
A problem is that we often we seek other people, things and even objects, to help us grow. This is why working and having children are such a big part of life; they provide a form of validation, of worthiness, of meaning – and do so better than most other approaches. The only other thing that validates each of us more, makes life more meaningful, is love.
If you have a partner who validates you, appreciates you and what you do then you have an extraordinary love, a true love.
If your partner is not doing this for you, and this is where many relationships run into trouble, then you may begin to resent them. You may even seek someone whom you feel or think validates you, seemingly makes your life more worthwhile.
Do you seek a partner, or want your current partner if you have one, to do this for you – to accept you, approve you and solve your problems for you? Most of us want this, as it seems the easiest way to address our individual issues and make us feel worthy. See more here.
Another secret is not to give love to get it in return.
Love has to be given unconditionally for it to be true.
The more love you give the more love you should feel.
Unfortunately, many people give ‘love’ in the hope that they will receive it in exchange.
If a potential partner can’t give their love to you without expecting something in return you’ll have trouble finding true love.
How can you expect someone to give to you what you yourself are not willing to give?
It’s that simple!
This give-to-get approach changes the flow of love energy and doesn’t lead to true love, just a dead-end where you can get stuck.
Seek a partner who is not self-focused, not egotistical. Seek someone who is considerate of others, who can share their energy, who can give love.
So how do you give love without wanting to get it back…?
You read the book and learn more 😉
Let’s get technical for a moment. What type of partner do you really want, what attributes attract you? Do you have a list of what you’re seeking? Does it include the practical as well as passionate aspects of love?
Most people’s lists contain physical attributes they desire, such as physical looks, in a potential partner.
That’s fine, if all you want is a physical relationship! Read that again!
Does your list include any mental attributes; such as wanting a companion who can converse and is caring, warm, loving?
Does it include any spiritual ones? If not, why not?
A better approach is to turn this around and list what you have to offer a potential partner.
What do you think is your best physical attribute? What’s your best emotional attribute, your best mental and spiritual features? Would a potential partner be able to easily recognise these? Why not? What would a potential partner love most about you right now? Is this what you want to be loved for? Do you want someone with similar attributes? What do you have to give them right now?
Do you have love to give?
Or are you giving love to get love?
If so, stop! You can’t force love energy to flow towards you.
If you ‘need’ love, it’s not a love that’s expanding, flowing or balanced – it’s not true love.
Rather, you’re trying to fill a gap in the energy within you or balance your own energy. Once you realise that, you can fill that gap and move on.
Need help – just down load the free e-book and learn lots more practical tips on how!