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Learn useful tips, checklists and advice to help you start to find the love of your life – now!
We are sharing what we have learnt, free, so you don’t have to make the same painful mistakes that we did.
Shift the focus in your life from yourself, beyond your family and friends, to your partner – and if you do that while also shifting the focus from physical things to intangible love – you have a much better chance of developing true love.
The secret is relatively easy to do: focus on your energy, the power, of love.
As Mother Teresa suggested it isn’t what you do, but the amount of love that you do it with that counts most. Or as musician John Lennon said, it matters not whom you love or how you love, only that you love.
At some stage in your life you’ll reach a point where what’s most important to you is your own personal growth. Yes, that’s right, you’ll ultimately want validation that your life has been worthwhile and has meaning.
We have found this validation is the basic pivotal point – the crux – that determines whether a relationship will survive, die or flourish into true love.
This is what you are seeking to determine when you are dating – whether you realise it or not – and assessing potential partners or evaluating an existing relationship.
If you’re in a relationship and your partner lets you grow – even if they don’t actively encourage it – you’ll most likely remain with them. You might do this even if they exert control over or abuse you. Whereas if they blatantly hinder or stop your personal growth you’ll most likely seek to escape.
A problem is that we often we seek other people, things and even objects, to help us grow. This is why working and having children are such a big part of life; they provide a form of validation, of worthiness, of meaning – and do so better than most other approaches.
The only other thing that validates each of us more, makes life more meaningful, is love.
If you have a partner who validates you, appreciates you and what you do then you have an extraordinary love, a true love.
If your partner is not doing this for you, and this is where many relationships run into trouble, then you may begin to resent them.
You may even seek someone whom you feel or think validates you, seemingly makes your life more worthwhile.
Do you seek a partner, or want your current partner if you have one, to do this for you – to accept you, approve you and solve your problems for you?
Most of us want this, as it make us feel worthy.
There’s a beautiful story that tells how a man and a woman randomly pass each other on a street and how they each have an overpowering intuition that the other is the perfect partner for them. As they do a double-take of their emotions, they turn around and look back at each other; and when they see one another looking at the other they each smile. They somehow muster the strength to mouth the word “hello’, then the courage to stop and speak to one another. They end up walking and talking. They get along perfectly. It seems too perfect, too good to be true. Their own self-doubts creep into the conversation. So to make sure they’re supposed to truly be together they decide to part without exchanging contact details and let fate decide if they meet again. They agree that if their paths do cross again that they’ll marry on the spot. Days pass, weeks pass and turn into months and then years as they don’t pass each other. They eventually go out with other people; others who are not their true love, but who provide some sort of romantic love. Many years later they pass each other on the street again. But so much time has gone by and things have changed that they don’t even recognise one another. Their moment, their chance to connect and live a life of true love had passed.
The story, initially by Japanese author Haruki Murakami, has changed a bit in the translation but still highlights how you have to be brave, to trust your intuition, to smile. You have to get out and have the courage to speak to someone whom may be the love of your life. If you don’t, you’ll never know if they were.
If you act and speak up only to find that person isn’t the love of your life you’ve probably still learnt something and better know what you’re looking for in a partner.
You’ll walk by many such people in life, people that you’re not just attracted to physically; people with whom you sense there’s something more. Turn around and smile. Also, make contact with your eyes. Eye contact is very important – the eyes are often referred to as the window into a person’s soul.
What a challenging year it has been.
Hope it has been okay for you. What have you learnt?
Surely 2023 will be much better. We hope it will for you!
Remember, you are not alone – there are people out there, people whom will be interested in you – if you make yourself interesting.
Recall how we experienced, researched and wrote our book to help others, to help you. That is why we are giving it away free – so others don’t make the mistakes we did.
A key of what we found is that people want to be with other people who make them feel better about themselves.
Do you do that to others, to your dates, to your partner?
Or is it all about you; do you only focus on you, your needs, talk about yourself?
If so, you need to do some work on yourself, your insecurities.
Learn to find out more about whom you are with, whom you meet. What motivates them, then help them achieve their dreams.
After all, love is a partnership.
Wishing you much love for the new year.
K & G
Ask yourself simple questions to determine how you feel – what your emotions, your energy in motion, are trying to tell you?
They can provide the answer for you.
When faced with a matter of love ask:
Does a person and what they say and do contribute to your energy? Or do they ‘take’ it?
Does your partner add or detract to yours?
In short, do they add value to your life – and do you add value to theirs?
If you do then you have a good love equation, a growing love.
It’s that simple.
How someone else’s energy adds to, or subtracts, from yours makes a big difference to you, to your life, to your love.
You are seeking a relationship where your energy and that of your partner join together to create something better than if you were on your own.
If you’re in relationship and continuously feel worse off than you think you’d be if you were on your own then you have to question whether you should be in the relationship. When the negatives outnumber the positives maybe the love equation is showing you it’s not the right relationship for you.
True love is when you feel, and are, better with your partner than on your own.
When faced with a matter of love ask:
Does a person and what they say and do contribute to your energy? Or do they ‘take’ it?
Does your partner add or detract to yours?
In short, do they add value to your life – and do you add value to theirs?
If you do then you have a good love equation, a growing love.
It’s that simple.
Many secrets and keys to love are revealed in our book.
They include:
See more details in the free download – here.
There are just 36 questions that you are supposed to ask someone – questions that can help you fall in love (if you believe some online posts).
What are those questions? – See more here.
The issue is that if your answers don’t much, you don’t have much chance…
…we think you’re better off reading the tips in our own book to find true love.
What do you think?
There is so much change in the world today – wrought by the COVID pandemic, tightening supply chains, work pressures, war and more – impacting us and our loves.
How can you better cope with all these changes?
Change occurs all through life, yet we often expect we or our partner won’t.
Then when things get tough, ironically, we want them to change.
When it comes to the latter, why do you or your partner want change? Why are you seeking something else? What are you really seeking?
Is it because you feel the relationship is stale, that it’s not going anywhere, you think you know all there is to know about your partner, or you want more excitement, or you’re not getting what you need?
If it’s any of these, then there’s a good chance you could grow your relationship more – a lot more. You already have a partner with whom you’ve had much in common and it might just be possible to improve what you already have.
Couples often take each other for granted and that can destroy love.
A woman thinks she knows her man, the man thinks he knows his woman; while in reality nobody knows either. The woman the man knew when they first started going out is not there now, so much has happened and changed.
Managing change is key to any relationship that comes under new demands and pressure: you have to figure out how to give love to your partner. You need to talk, listen and explore these changes to continue to love through challenging times.
Don’t think that pushing or pressuring your partner will change them. It generally makes them become more entrenched, less open, less safe and less secure, less giving; especially less giving of love.
Pushing someone for their love is similar to trying to take it, to trying to take their energy. If you ‘need’ love, then remember how you’re seeking ‘romantic’ love and that there’s likely a gap within you and your energy flow that only you can fill or move on from.
A better approach is to give love despite what they are or do. (This is what many scriptures suggest.)
How to keep up with change
As life changes you need to find ways to not necessarily change, but rather expand and grow love. We often say to each other not to think of it as a need to change, but rather expand.
The only way you can do that is by connecting, continually connecting, deeper and deeper. You can only take your existing love towards true love by sharing your true self with your partner.
To do this, you need to feel and know who you are, know that you’re safe and secure with your partner, to be able to share yourself with them without fearing that they’ll use what you share against you, won’t hurt you.
Only then can you both share your greatest fears, your greatest desires – your selves.
How well do you know your partner?
Do you know and understand their fears, what they seek from life – as life changes?
Often we don’t really know how our partner really feels. You assume you know, which is a big mistake.
Ask them how they feel, truly feel.
As such, you shouldn’t just want to know your partner’s favourite colour, number or song; you should seek to know their greatest fears. Then help them overcome their fears and realise their dreams.
Explore, experience and relate again; start again. Try to connect more.
To do so you will require improving safety and security, improving trust.
One way to do this is for you to start to share your inner-most essence; show how you are. What motivates, as well as concerns, you.
Sharing secrets is considered one way to create intimacy and connections. One study found that when strangers were asked to reveal intimate details about their lives to one another and then made to stare into each other’s eyes that many of them reported feelings of strong attraction to each other.
There are a range of other techniques you can use, such as dinners, date nights, gifts, anything that enables the two of you to spend quality time together where you can communicate.
If you have trouble talking, expressing, research more on ways how to improve this. The internet is a great way to find lots of useful information on this and other ways to connect. (Don’t forget to tell your partner that this is what you’re doing, in case they wonder why you have changed, as this change could make them anxious.)
An exercise to help you work on this is to take three days where the two of you share ways to improve the safety and security of each other in the relationship. In the morning of each day, consider what you can do to help your partner feel more secure about themself and what they say. Then in the afternoon, share a secret which your partner did not previously know about you. Discuss, talk, and communicate about where you have been, where you want to go and how to get there. Having an aim, something to work towards, helps start connections.
Do you know how your partner best likes to receive love?
Do they prefer to be told, to be shown through touch or through physical things, through some other way or a combination of ways? Ask.
Then simply give love.
True love is loving someone just the way they are and supporting them to become the best person they can – not wanting to change or fix them.
While opposites sometimes attract, it‘s often safer to seek someone who is similar to you and who wants similar things out of the marriage and life as you do.
How similar are you to your potential partner? Take this test: write down how similar you think you are, and then ask your partner to do the same, with respect to:
Use a 10 point scale, with 1 being ‘not at all similar’ to 10 being ‘very similar’.
This will require you knowing and understanding how your partner thinks about these things. If you are uncertain ask your partner what they feel and think.
If you are far apart on more than half of these, you will most likely run into problems – sooner or later. As mentioned earlier, sharing a similar attitude to love, and life, is key to a lasting and loving relationship.
Learn more in this most helpful book – available free online for a limited time.
Download it here
Can you grow and expand your love to something beyond the physical, beyond the emotional, beyond the mental to something greater, to true love?
True love is not just about being with someone, not just about reproducing and building a family. It’s about realising the greatest aspects of life, in you, in your partner and in your relationship.
The chart below shows the shift from physical love, to where most marriages become stuck, to true love – and what’s required to obtain it.
This shows that if you shift the focus in your life from yourself, beyond your family and friends, to your partner and your relationship – and if you do that while also shifting the focus from physical things to intangible love – you have a much better chance of developing true love.
The secret is easy: focus on your energy, the power, of love.
Don’t demand love, don’t do things for love.
Rather nurture love – by giving it, unconditionally.
Be love.
As Mother Teresa suggested it isn’t what you do, but the amount of love that you do it with that counts most.
Or as musician John Lennon said, it matters not whom you love or how you love, only that you love…
Can you? Do you?
Sending you our love for a better 2022!
