Sometimes much of what needs to be said is not said and bad feelings are bottled up and start to accumulate for both of you.
Somehow you become convinced that your partner will magically know what to do to fulfil your needs.
Then when your needs are not met, you blame the other person and begin to resent them. This can start a vicious cycle and the silent destruction of a partnership if you are not careful.
For example, have you ever had a friend complain to you about their partner and how they make them unhappy? They should be telling their partner this if they actually want a change. Tell them that.
Consider ‘spouse assassination’, where couples say negative things to each other. While negative comments may initially be said jokingly, they eventually undermine the relationship. A put down does not impress her, it doesn’t add energy; rather it shows you’re (weak and) trying to take her energy.
Instead, say something positive. By doing this you’re adding energy. You’re changing the situation.
If you want a gorgeous loving partner you have to say to your partner that you find them gorgeous and loving – and watch them rise to the occasion.
Men quite often don’t know what to say or do and they withdraw. Rather than risk directing energy into the wrong action for their partner, they simply stop giving it.
Instead, open, in particular open emotionally. Say what you feel (not just think) about what it is that led to being quiet.
If a man can be aware of this he can then be present emotionally and open up to his partner.
When you have difficulty communicating, such as when a man is seeking sex and the woman doesn’t want it for whatever reason, consider agreeing on a word that says the other is not listening.
Don’t hold your feelings and thoughts inside. Try to express them, objectively as possible. Then say what the underlying problem really is.
Demonstrate that you understand what your partner says and how they feel, not assume it. You can only do that by communicating, exchanging words, thoughts and feelings – exchanging energy.
You can never be too thankful and express too much gratitude.
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