Why doesn’t love always remain constant? Do relationships have to be up and down?
They don’t.
A major reason for the pain, the ups and downs, is often related to why you want love and how you go about finding it.
The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus suggested that pain is at one end of a scale with pleasure at the other – and that most of us swing between the two. Most people seek pleasure, seek love, to cover pain. However, this traps us in romantic love as we ‘need’ it to hide and balance our hurt.
The ancient philosopher was almost right: love is indeed a matter of balance, in particular balancing your energy. Swings in your emotions are showing you that your energy is trying to balance but is having trouble.
When you have problems and pain it’s generally a sign that you need to get your energy flowing, expanding and balancing.
A major cause of problems and pain is that your view of the world doesn’t match reality; that what you’re experiencing doesn’t match what you believe, feel or think. For example, if someone says they love you but their actions suggest otherwise this will create chaos in your thoughts (brain waves or EEGs) and emotions (heart waves or ECGs) and pain can result as you try to reconcile the difference.
Another cause of emotional pain is uncertainty and fear. Guy recalls when he was dating one partner how everything was quite uncertain and that he was afraid he would lose her. This was so out of character for him, as he has faced death several times and is rarely afraid. Yet, he was terrified. Why? He soon realised that he had attached his love, his feeling good, to her and was reliant on her to feel good.
This is something many people do. It’s easy to get caught in this pattern of reliance on another to make you feel better. But this is a short-term solution.
Accordingly, you cannot continually rely on someone else to make you happy.
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